And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
