When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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