would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
