apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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