he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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