I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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