I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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