i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
