dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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