I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
