thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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