She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
