i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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