I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
