Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
