Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
