I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need moral support for this bender
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
