i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
