i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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