In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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