i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
