Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
