Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's never too late to be topless.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
