So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
