I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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