She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
