i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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