Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
