Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
