So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
