i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
