I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize