The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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