My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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