not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
