My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
