yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
