Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
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I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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