I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
