For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
