in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
