i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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