I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We need to get me chipped asap
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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