just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have fence marks all over my body
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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