Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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