I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
