i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
