I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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