It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
