I cockslap morals
ugly people sure do ruin things
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
