True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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