Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
