i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The adults are the big ones right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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