Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize