Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
