Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Porn is love you can see.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
