I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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