Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
