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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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