I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
