she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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