just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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