There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
