The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
