Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
