The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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