I feel like I'm in dance class right now
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
