4 words: hood of his car
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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