that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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