he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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