we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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