Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize