i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
