i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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