My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
