Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
